You try to juggle work, family, finances, maintaining your home, volunteering, caring for your kids, and volunteering for your school and church. Where does your spouse fit into the rat race?
Often, those we love the most are the first to take a back seat because we know they’ll forgive us the quickest. But if you’re not careful, what once was supposed to be a quick season of busyness will turn into a lifestyle and your spouse will be more of a business partner.
Life has ways of changing seasons even when you’re not looking for them. That recently happened with my wife and I.
I started a new job and simultaneously, our third oldest child started school. This left only one now in daycare. It doesn’t sound like much, but it was a HUGE change in our routine.
Now we have three kids to pack lunches for. Three kids to read with. Three kids to look over homework with. Our nights just got ridiculously busy.
Luckily, after being together for 16 years and married for almost 13 of those, Marilyn and I recognized what was happening and knew that we needed to be intentional about spending time together.
5 Creative Ways to Find More Time For Your Spouse
Have you ever been there? Everything is going great and then all of the sudden you wake up and realize you’ve not been alone with your spouse in weeks? For some of you, it could even be months.
You have to make sure you’re spending time together, you know this. But let’s be honest. When you’re in the child-raising stage, time is already so sparse. How could you possibly fit in anything else?
You have time for whatever is important to you. This is a hard truth that I finally came to realize, and it’s made all of the difference.
You have the same 24 hours in a day that any other happily married couple in the world has. The key is to take better advantage of the time you have. Here are a few tips…
1. Go to bed at the same time. This may sound obvious, but there are so many couples that overlook this simple tip. When you go to bed at the same time, you get to spend some time actually talking, holding each other, etc., etc. 🙂
It’s also a great time to read the Bible pray together. It’s moments like this when you really get to hear your spouse’s fear, what he/she is excited about, and what he/she is thankful for.
One great thing I love is to let Marilyn hear that I’m thankful for her, but even more importantly the exact things about her that I’m thankful for. It’s a great way to build up your spouse.
2. Go out to eat regularly….alone. I had to emphasize “alone” because so many couples I know think they have a date night when in reality, they’re going with others and never actually get to talk on a deeper level.
This is an area where I personally struggled. When you have four kids, it’s hard to find someone to babysit! Especially when you try going out during the primetime days of the week (Friday through Sunday). We felt guilty for being an imposition on anyone we asked to watch the kids.
So what was our solution to the babysitter problem? I finally had to call on grandma and grandpa.
As for the “not being an imposition” thing, we decided that if the only thing we could work out would be an hour in the middle of the week, every other week, we’d take it.
3. Do work together. As a principal, I work a minimum of 55 hours a week. When you add to that the side business of blogging and podcasting, it begins to look more like 65-70 hours.
In order to take advantage of our time together, we usually end up doing some things together like going to ball games, watching the band compete, attending events with our kids, going to conferences together, etc.
4. Text and call each other. You did this while you were dating. There’s absolutely no reason to stop. Our texting has changed with the times though. We can have entire conversations using mainly gif images. It definitely makes things more fun!
5. Have fun with each other. Seriously Dr. Killjoy….lighten up. Not everything has to be so serious. Not every conversation needs to be deep or about the business side of running a family. Make some inside jokes. Get competitive with each other (My wife is the Queen of Competitiveness).
There are plenty of books about being a good husband, wife, lover, etc., but not many about what great marriages are actually made of…the best of friendships. Friends have fun with one another, and so should you and your spouse.
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